Thursday, January 5, 2012

A 1 - Allowing myself to be happy

I was raised in a Catholic home, went to their schools and through all the classes necessary to be a good catholic.  Then I went to a public school for the 7th grade and found out that not everyone lived like I was having too.  I checked out MANY other religions and never found exactly what I was needing.  Finally, one day I was walking through Books A Million and it seemed like a book just pulled me into an aisle and called to me.  I picked it up and just had to buy it.  It was a book about Paganism.
I read the book and sensed that I had found what I was searching for.
I finally got into counseling and found out a lot about myself, and that I was preventing myself to be happy.  I was always stopping myself when my goals were close.  I think this is because of the rigid rules of the other religions I had tried.
After meeting my Goddess and getting to know several of them I suddenly started to feel better and not as closed in to myself.  She has helped me break down some of the walls I had built, and allows me to finally FEEL things. 
I am now happier than I have ever been in my entire life and it is because I am allowing myself to finally be happy.

This may not be exactly what you wanted in a blog, but it is something that came to me and I couldn't push it away ... so I wrote about it.

Blessed Be

Ouchie ...

Woke up this morning with a migraine. 
I had my eyes checked yesterday to get a new pair of glasses, and by the retina doctor.  He shined a VERY bright light into my eye to see if I still had fluid and blood behind my retina.  He said yes, so now I will have to start another series of shots inside my eyeball.  They really do hurt badly.
I have taken medicine for my migraine so I will make this a short blog and go lie down.
Tomorrow is the day to post my pagan blog ... hope I can feel better later today so I can write it.
I have to be at the VA Hospital (102 miles away one way) at 12:30 pm.  It will be pretty late by the time I get back home, so if I am going to write one this week I need to do it today.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Dreams and Feelings ... Feelings and Dreams

For the past month I have been writing down things that just seem odd, or that I dream about.  I can be on the computer, watching tv, riding down the road ... just about anything ... and I will smell something that is not caused by anything near me.  As an example I have been at the computer and smelled Pine Trees.  They have a very distinct odor that I do enjoy, but I have nothing pine in my apartment.  I have also smelled things like Juicy Fruit gum (I don't chew gum), and freshly cut sawdust.
Tonight I had a dream that is unsettleing to me.  I woke up about 2 am.  I was living in a trailer, in one close to me a woman was treating her son badly.  I saw her throw him against their trailer.  The police came and checked it.  I don't know what happened to them after that point.  Next I was walking down a long road and she drove up beside me.  She had her son and some young girl in her car.  Then I was on a motorized bicycle.  We both stopped and talked for a moment, then she followed me to a small store.  There was a lunch being served there and I got in line.  I asked about the kids and she said they were in the car, and got in line too.  While serving myself two women pushed in front of me and I got angry.  I woke up then.
I know this woman and her son, she is mean to him but I haven't seen her or him in several years.
I got up and made a pot of coffee and was playing a game online when I heard American Indian Flute music in the distance.  I tried to find where it was coming from but there is nothing on except my coffee pot and computer (and the volume is shut off).  It just stopped after I sat down after trying to see where it was coming from.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

First Day

I just set up this blog so this is a learning situation for me.
Wish me luck.